Fair

Each year, since 1893 there has been a fair in Altamont, NY. You would think, that since I live 15 minutes from Altamont that once, at least once, I would have gone. But no, neither my sister nor I had ever been to the Altamont Fair. Why? Well, because when we were kids not only did you have to pay to enter but you also had to pay for the rides. This was too much for my mother. Too much in terms of money but also too much of an insult. Pay twice?!?!

And this is how you know that my mother has moved on. My kids at ages 2 and 4, were brought to the fair by my mother. Granted, the rides weren't open yet, but that's not the point, people. She would have paid for the rides!

My children did not deserve to go to the fair. They were apathetic and lazy. I was able to count the number of times they got their tushes out of the stroller...and it wasn't a high number.

Listen kids!! I was never able to go to this stupid fair and you will love it! You will pet the animals! You will be in awe of the horses! If I had gone to this fair before moving to Arkansas do you know how much easier it would have been to understand farm life in the south?! This is for your betterment! (no idea if that's a word but I'm using it)

How cute is this? Cozy milk cows! Isn't this cute kids?!? Lily rolls her eyes, Jamison asks for a snack.

A BABY COW!!! LOOK!! Kids: Whatever mom.

And then Lily was struck speechless...like she usually is around anyone who is friendly to her. We ran into the Altamont Fair Queen in the sheep shed. The woman who ran the court or pageant, whatever it is you call it, was trying to convince us to enter Lily in next year's pageant. I so gently wanted to explain to this woman that as much as Lily enjoys putting on "shows" and dressing up the minute you ask her to perform in front of people her body drops like a spaghetti noodle. If there was an Altamont Fair Drama Queen pagenat, then yes, then we might be interested. But you want her to smile at strangers? Walk across a stage at someone else's direction? That's insanity.

Don't bother getting out of the stroller, guys. I'm sure you pet horses everyday when I'm not around.

This is a pregnant cow. I honestly can't tell the difference between a pregnant one and a regular fat one. The fair does a LIVE BIRTH everyday. The fair lasts seven days. That's seven births with seven very pregnant and probably very hormonal cows. I would not want to be the vet in charge of this activity.

There are bleachers for easy viewing of the birth. This makes me uncomfortable. I wasn't too pleased about my own children's births until after they were cleaned up a bit. Why would I want to watch a cow give birth?!

I tried to get Lily interested in the pig by telling her this one was named Wilbur. All she wanted to know is where Charlotte was and that she did not want to see Templeton. Just play along Lily! It's not beneath you! Jamison was interested only after I mentioned that pigs give us sausage.

Oh! But wait! The kids are out of the stroller! They have smiles on their faces! What has brought upon this change of attitude? John Deere. No joke. The John Deere tent was the biggest hit for my offspring. If it hadn't been so close to naptime we would have made a day of it in this area.

Needless to say, this will be their only trip to the Altamont Fair until they beg, plead, and bribe us to go back again.