My mother is probably one of the funniest people I know although it's more about the things that she does (or doesn't do) that make her funny. To sum her up I usually tell people that my mother is a "character". I'm not sure she appreciates that description but I don't mean it in a bad way.
My mother is incredibly excited about a trip she is taking on Friday. My sister has the opportunity to host my mother for a week in Nashville. This trip has been planned for a while. My brother-in-law, Mark, will be out of town that week volunteering at their church summer camp and so my mother is helping my sister with the twins.
We've been preparing for the trip for months. I've taken the week off of work, Kristen has made plans for the visit, my mother is excited to see the granddaughters she hasn't seen in over a month. It's been a topic of conversation frequently. In other words, this is a widely known and well planned trip. Read on....
The day after my mother returns home next week, we are going to Rochester for my cousin, Myria's graduation. So this got my sister thinking. (NOTE:Kristen is always thinking. She is always planning, always conniving. Everything my sister does is 100% pre-meditated. Keep that in mind if they ever find my body in the Hudson.)
Back to her thinking: Kristen also wants to go to Myria's graduation that weekend. If mom is flying back home by herself, why can't she fly with Kristen and two infants? In fact, if Mark will be out of town, WHY SHOULDN'T SHE FLY BACK WITH MOM?!?!?
So Kristen manipulates the situation and is given full permission (from all parties involved) to go home for the weekend. She informs mom that she will change moms return flight on Southwest for her if she gives her the confirmation number.
Mom replies that she was never given a confirmation number, only an itinerary. At this point Kristen realizes that she would probably get better help from Southwest and proceeds to call them to arrange the flight home. She gives Southwest all of my mother's flight information. They can't find her reservation in the system. Kristen is starting to get a little irritated because not only does mom not have any information about the flight, but neither does Southwest.
She finally calls mom back and demands the confirmation number. Kristen absolutely needs it to change the flight so that her master plan can be put into action. She will not be stopped by a silly little thing as a confirmation number. My mother is adamant that she was never given a confirmation number, all she has is an itinerary. And then that's when the truth is discovered. MY MOTHER NEVER PURCHASED THE TICKET. She never purchased the ticket for the flight of the year, the trip of the century.
Kristen immediately calls me (because that's what we do when my mother does these things - yes things - plural. Things like this happen frequently) and we imagine how the visit to the airport on Friday would pan out:
Lila is dropped off at Albany International Airport bright and early Friday morning. She has her usual luggage with her - two huge bags, two carry ons (one is her purse for you TSA readers), and her ever-present travel sweater. She drags everything up to the Southwest counter and slaps her itinerary onto the counter. "Lila Meeks, 8:50am to BNA" and then it would all go downhill from there. She would end up purchasing the last ticket to Nashville for $700 just so that she could get down there.
So this is the question that is always on my mind: How do my children survive in her care each day? How are they fed? How does she remember to bring them home from the mall with her? BY GOD'S GRACE ONLY have my children remained safe and alive.